So I got my copy of Portal 2 through on Friday morning which was as much a surprise as it was an annoyance! Firstly I was expecting it well before then! For which I was annoyed, and secondly I was conceded to the fact that due to the confectionary giving Rabbit and the celebration of a ‘David Blane’ act deifying, fictitious character that the post man was also on holiday and would not be consoling me untill today.

NO SPOILERS

So Portal 2! I played the first one (the Orange Box) and was less than impressed, It all seemed a little basic and bland. But you all know me by now and know I don’t harbour grudges due to previous experiences when it comes to games nor do I refuse to play a sequel to a game I have not enjoyed.

Portal 2 in essence is a first person platform adventure game. You employ the role of a lab rat/test subject who is tasked with completing challenges set out for you. That’s it in a nut shell! I’m only part joking when I say I could end the review here! You are armed with a portal gun that creates an entrance and exit portal if you will, you fire this on surfaces and can travel through said gate ways or use them to allow other objects to pass through space and time. It’s a great idea that becomes very boring and mundane very quickly due to the repetitiveness of it. Honestly it’s all you do! The smug sense of self satisfaction you get from completing a test soon turns into a tedious feeling of when will this be over!? There are a few changes of scenery however, and a chapter (6) that gives you a very claustrophobic atmosphere much like Bioshock due to its lighting and sheer desolateness which is hard to achieve so props on that.

The game is so linear it makes Doritos Crash Course seem like a MMOJRPG. I guess it is a puzzle game but anyone with an ounce of common sense and the ability to think both systematically and logically will find this game a canter. I did get stuck at two parts of this game, not due to the tasks being difficult but because it was hard to distinguish the surface colours of the wall panels I was attempting to create portals on (the fact I never realised I could)

As you know one of my biggest gripes about FP Perspective games that try to carry a story is the lack of connection you have with your character and this is no different, I don’t know why they try to do it but it does not and will not work! Why does ME2 play better then Failout 3? Because you get to connect with your character and truly build up a relationship. Simple things like body language and facial expressions as a reaction to something being said can say things words can’t. Obviously for spoiler reasons I can’t talk about this too much but honestly you could just be a floating portal gun in this game and it would not change a thing. I doubt even a 3rd person view (like Failout3 offers) could change anything.

The Game concludes with a boss fight that can only be equated to the Alan Wake boss fight as the most disappointing ending to a game I have ever played. Once completed the game has no replay value what so ever due to the fact that the levels never change. Would have been cool to have a random level generator or a Halo Forge sort of set up to share puzzles with the community but it doesn’t contain either. I don’t think it would have been hard to include these really because the levels are basically just empty boxes. There is however a Multiplayer which is a good laugh but so simple it can be completed locally with 2 pads on split screen.

I have read some amazing statements and reviews regarding this game which actually make me question my own opinion..... That is until I realise that there are some of the worst fanboys for this franchise that I have ever met!

10/10 Graphics!!! Are you being serious? I play on a top of the range LED TV and let’s be honest your talking Crysis 2 territory. 8/10 at a push (although it does look Pretty on PC)

Best in its class!! Does it have any competitors?

Number 1 in the charts!! Well considering it launched at the same time as MK9 and OFPRR I should hope so! That and the fact PSN was down so that swayed people’s choice towards an offline game and the inclusion of a free PC version sweetened the deal.

People have waxed lyrical about how this is one of the most in depth and involving stories they have played and that this is a certain for GOTY...
...My theory on this is that if you like Glee then you will love Portal 2! If you don’t like Glee you will see it for what it is! My analogy stems from the fact that people who like listening to constant auto tuned narration, transparent story lines, annoying and unlikable characters, un funny jokes, having the feeling of boredom but fighting through it just to have something to discuss with peers and constantly stating how great it is to reassure yourself it’s not average then you will love watching Glee (see what I did there?)

Completing Portal 2 does not grant you instant entrance to MENSA although listening to some people you would think it would!

I honestly can’t remember one song from this game but do remember it sounding very “Mass Effect”

As for people who harp on about Wheatley (the first character you meet) being one of the greatest ever in game characters???? He is voiced by Stephen Merchant, he’s the guy behind the office and extras to name a few shows he helped to write. As a writer I Love his work but as the Barclay card adverts show he has an affliction! One that is known as “Bristolian”, If you never felt like piercing your own ear drums every time Justin Lee Collins came on the TV you probably will after playing this! I wish they could create an unwritten rule where only Steven Fry is allowed to voice main characters in video games.

All in all this is good game worth playing and I’m glad I did and also enjoyed it a lot more then Portal 1 but let’s be serious, it’s nothing more than good! I think the problem stems from the amount of bad games we get palmed off with these days that when an average one comes out people jump on a band wagon, admiring the Emperor’s new clothes as it hurtles down the road to the £19.99 mark less than 2 months later.